The Alchemy of Grief: A Healing Journey
The Alchemy of Grief
April 23, 2025 | Angharad Picton
A Healing Journey
“In navigating these losses, astrology became my lifeline, my life companion. (Astrology) helped me make sense of the chaos, offering a framework for understanding not just my own grief, but the deeper purpose behind it.”
Grief is an ever-present companion, lingering long after the world expects us to have "moved on." It's a weight, a shadow, and at times, it feels like an endless, consuming void.
Yet, what if grief isn't here to break us, but to remake us? What if, in facing our loss head-on, we could discover a new way of being—one that honors our pain while guiding us toward healing?
This article invites you to explore grief as a transformative journey, one that doesn't seek to diminish your pain but to validate it, to make sense of it. If you're ready to step away from loneliness, to feel seen and understood, and to find solace in a new perspective, then you're in the right place. Here, you'll find an ally in your grief, a supportive guide to help you navigate the depths of loss in ways you may have never considered.
By the end of this journey, you may walk away with a sense of comfort, a lighter heart, and a renewed hope for life after loss.
Together, we'll explore how to alchemize grief, turning it from a source of endless sorrow into a powerful force for healing and connection. This is your invitation to embrace the transformative power of your own story—what will you do with this medicine that has broken you open?
Let’s begin this journey of turning stories into gardens, not graveyards.
My Personal Story
As I write this, it’s been two years, three months since Mark, my daughter’s father and longtime best friend, passed away. It’s also been ten months since Jason, my beloved partner, left this world. Losing two of the three most important men in my life so close together has left me in a constant struggle with shock, longing, and an all-encompassing loneliness. The ones I leaned on for comfort, advice, and joy are gone in the way I once knew them. Their presence lingers, but it can’t replace their voices, their touch, or the life we shared. My heart aches not only for the loss of what was, but also for what could have been—dreams that will never come to pass.
Mark and I spent 15 years together, and it was a life full of love, adventure, and profound grief. We lost two babies before our daughter Adara was born, and another after her. Despite the heartache, we shared incredible joy in welcoming Adara into our lives, moving across five continents, and continuing to be each other's best friend, even after we parted as a couple. When Mark was diagnosed with cancer in 2020, I was devastated. We cared for him through his initial treatments and surgery, standing by his side. But as his condition worsened, we knew the end was near. Being with him in his final days, and witnessing Adara mourn the loss of her father, was a heartbreak like no other. Raising her alone, without Mark, has been a challenge, because this was not how our story was meant to go, but one we’ve faced with the support of my family and friends. Yet, the grief has never left—it ebbs and flows, an ongoing journey.
Then, there was Jason. He was the boy I’d loved from afar, growing up in a small village in Wales. Our paths diverged, but our connection remained. In 2017, after years of longing, the timing was finally right, and we allowed ourselves to fall deeply in love. Jason had suffered a traumatic brain injury years earlier, leading to debilitating seizures and a life he never fully adjusted to. He turned to alcohol as a way to cope with the pain, and though I knew it wasn’t helping him, I also saw the depth of his suffering and the weight he carried. I loved him fiercely, even as I watched him struggle.
Our relationship was a delicate balance—loving him while managing my own grief over Mark’s illness, supporting Adara through her battles with grief and Lyme disease, and contending with my own health issues. I’ve faced debilitating back injuries and an immune system that often feels like it’s fighting against me. There were times when alcohol became my own way of coping with the intensity of it all. Jason and I, in many ways, were both trying to survive our own storms.
When I had to return to the U.S. with Adara in 2023, leaving Jason behind was incredibly painful. We tried to keep our connection strong, but the distance and often discussed struggles took their toll. Two months after I left, Jason passed away from a supposed heart attack. His family did not contact me or include me in anything after his death, leaving me feeling isolated in my grief. The anger I feel from this is sharp—it’s part of the unprocessed grief we all shared. Anger is a part of grieving, and it’s a complex emotion that touches everyone involved. I feel it, and I know others do too. We were all hurting, all grasping for some form of control in an uncontrollable situation.
Grief is an ongoing journey—one that has torn apart relationships, but also deepened my gratitude for those who have stood by me. It has shown me the raw, unfiltered truth of love and loss. I mourn not only the men I’ve lost but the dreams, the possibilities, and the connections that were left behind. Yet, I am learning to carry it all with compassion for myself and for those who are grieving in their own way. Grief has many layers, and while it may never fully go away, I believe we can learn to hold it with more tenderness, even through the anger and pain, and alchemize it into deeper meaning and higher purpose.
Understanding Grief
Grief is an all-consuming force—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It touches everyone, unavoidably intertwined with the human condition. It arrives not only with the death of loved ones but also with changes in relationships, unmet expectations, and the loss of identities and dreams. Grief, in all its forms, forces us to confront the fragility and mortality of life.
What does grief feel like? It’s a wild, untamable beast. Unpredictable and feral, it strikes when we least expect it, leaving us riding its turbulent waves. Physically, grief manifests in tightness, exhaustion, and heaviness. Emotionally, it engulfs us in sadness, longing, and loneliness, often isolating us from those around us, even if they, too, are grieving. The ebb and flow of grief makes it difficult to grasp—it softens, only to resurface again with memories, anniversaries, and unexpected reminders.
Grief doesn’t follow a linear path. Instead, it’s a cyclical process. Old grief can bubble up through new losses, creating a web of unprocessed sorrow. This compounding effect can feel overwhelming, as present grief awakens past heartaches and unresolved pain. Often, we numb ourselves to escape, but in doing so, we allow grief to embed itself deeper within us. The more we resist it, the more it seems to grow. Grief is not a wound that time simply heals; it’s a profound part of our being, shaping who we are, how we live and the new choices we now face.
As devastating as grief is, it also holds the potential for transformation. It forces us to reflect on our mortality, the meaning of our lives, and the alignment of our existence with our deepest desires, our legacy. Grief invites us to find meaning in loss, to honor the love that remains, and to grow through the pain. It is through this struggle that we can develop a greater understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.
In my own journey with grief, I’ve had to confront the loss of my co-parent, Mark, Adara’s father, and the life we had before his cancer diagnosis and long before it. Caring for him through his illness was a heartbreaking experience, but what hit hardest was grieving the future we would never share with our beloved daughter. Then came the loss of Jason, my partner and childhood love. His death compounded my grief, and with it, the unspoken pain I carried over losing Mark intensified. These losses were not just of people but of parts of myself, my most authentic parts that are often only revealed to those whom we are in intimate relationship with —my identity as a mother, a partner, a friend and as a human being. The struggle to find balance amidst all these roles was overwhelming.
In navigating these losses, astrology became my lifeline, my life companion. It helped me make sense of the chaos, offering a framework for understanding not just my own grief but the deeper purpose behind it. Astrology held me through the darkest days, offering clarity in a world that felt unrecognizable. The celestial cycles provided context for the emotional intensity I was feeling, helping me trust that there was a larger plan unfolding, even when it felt unbearable.
Grief, as agonizing as it is, has taught me to honor the love and memories of those I’ve lost while allowing myself to be changed by their absence. There is no erasing the pain, no perfect remedy to fill the void. Instead, I’m learning to alchemize my grief—to transform it into something that allows me to connect more deeply with myself, with others and to live more fully in alignment with my soul’s agenda.
Grief, in its many forms, is an invitation to heal, to evolve, and to remember that even in loss, there is love. As we embrace our grief, we also embrace our capacity for transformation, reminding ourselves that though the ones we love are no longer with us, their presence is woven into the fabric of who we are. And in that, there is comfort and connection even amid the pain.
The Impact of Unprocessed Grief
When grief is not acknowledged or properly dealt with, its impact can be profound, seeping into every aspect of life—physically, emotionally, and mentally. Unprocessed grief doesn’t disappear; it lingers beneath the surface, subtly affecting our well-being. By ignoring or suppressing it, we invite long-term consequences that can manifest in debilitating ways, even death itself.
Consequences of Ignoring Grief
Grief that goes unresolved often finds expression in physical ailments, chronic emotional struggles, or mental distress. The body, holding unaddressed grief, may react through pain, immune dysfunction, or mystery illnesses. Emotionally, unresolved grief can foster feelings of sadness, anger, or anxiety, while mentally, it may lead to disconnection, distraction, and difficulty concentrating.
Grief also has a way of activating unresolved trauma, especially when past losses were never fully addressed. It may bring up feelings of abandonment, control issues, or anger that seem disproportionate to the current loss, but are rooted in past experiences. When we avoid grief, these feelings can build up, affecting our relationships and overall quality of life. Unprocessed grief, left unattended, can snowball into destructive behaviors, addiction, and further isolation.
Symptoms of Grief
Grief can show up in many different ways, both immediately after a loss and in the long term. Here are some of the most common symptoms:
Emotional Symptoms: Anger, irritability, blame, fear, sadness, depression, and a sense of purposelessness. Some may feel emotionally numb or disassociated, while others experience heightened anxiety and panic attacks. A sense of loss of self, confidence, or identity can make even the simplest tasks feel insurmountable.
Behavioral Symptoms: Distraction, detachment, withdrawal, or isolating oneself from others. People might turn to alcohol, smoking, binge-watching TV, overeating, or other addictive behaviors in an attempt to numb the pain. Often, there’s a noticeable disinterest in activities that once brought joy.
Physical Symptoms: Grief can physically manifest as weight gain or loss, chronic back pain, digestive issues, and inflammation. People may develop mystery illnesses or experience flare-ups of old conditions. Exhaustion, nervous system disorders, and overall body pain are also common. The immune system, weakened by stress, can become more susceptible to illness. Respiratory issues can also show up, particularly in Chinese Medicine, grief can show up in the lungs.
The Cost of Unresolved Grief
When grief remains unaddressed, its effects can quietly deteriorate our emotional, mental, and physical health over time. It can lead to chronic sadness, a loss of purpose, and a deep sense of disconnection from others. Unresolved grief often drives a wedge between ourselves and the world, affecting relationships and creating barriers to intimacy and support. Left unchecked, it can compound, becoming a permanent emotional burden, driving people into isolation or unhealthy coping mechanisms.
By confronting grief head-on, we open the door to healing. Acknowledging the pain and giving it space allows us to process the emotions and begin the work of integrating our loss. While it may never fully disappear, grief can be transformed into something manageable, helping us grow, connect, and live more fully.
Grief in a World That Can't Talk About It: The Struggle to Find Support
Addressing grief is not just emotionally demanding—it also requires us to seek out the right support systems, which can be incredibly challenging in a world that doesn’t know how to talk about death. We live in a society where, after the funeral, we’re often expected to move on quickly, to get over it. Any attempt to openly discuss grief is met with platitudes like “don’t live in the past,” or with the silent expectation that by now, we should be fine. This societal pressure, coupled with the awkwardness from others who don’t know how to address loss, drives us further inward, making us feel even more isolated.
The support systems we once relied on—friends, family, communities—can shift or fall away in the face of our grief. The expectation to put on a brave face, to carry on as if nothing has changed, makes it hard to stay connected. We lose that sense of safety and comfort that was once present in our relationships. Even when we want to reach out, the fear of judgment or misunderstanding often forces us underground, leaving us to navigate our grief alone.
This experience can be profoundly alienating, as the very spaces that once provided solace now feel unfamiliar. The challenge becomes not only processing the loss but also learning how to rebuild our connections in a way that honors the grief we carry. Oftentimes, we seek and find new connections that feel more authentic and aligned with the version of ourselves that we are following the loss.
Integrating & Navigating Grief: Changing Your Relationship with Grief
Grief is a transformative journey rather than a battle to be won or overcome. Embracing grief with mindfulness allows us to integrate it into our lives without letting it define us. By facing grief honestly, we honor our pain while making space for growth and healing. This approach acknowledges that while grief is a part of us, it doesn’t have to control our existence. It’s about finding a balance where grief can be part of our lives, guiding us rather than overwhelming us.
Practical Ways to Navigate Grief: Navigating grief involves practical steps that support healing and remembrance. Creating personal rituals—such as journaling, lighting candles, or engaging in creative expressions—can help with processing emotions. Seeking support from loved ones or professionals, including grief counseling, is essential. In my journey, astrology has provided a unique perspective, offering cosmic insights that have been invaluable in understanding and navigating my grief. These practices and supports help us connect with our emotions and find meaning in the midst of loss.
Personal Reflections on Grief: The losses of Mark, my daughter Adara’s father, and Jason, my beloved partner, have profoundly shaped my experience of grief. Mark’s passing after a long illness and Jason’s untimely death have both tested and deepened my resilience and awakened me to a vastly different reality. Each loss has revealed new dimensions of understanding and strength, making grief a constant companion through milestones and daily moments alike. This ongoing experience has taught me that grief evolves, offering insights and growth with each phase and simultaneously it can also appear to move us backwards in our journey, like a life review.
The Connection Between Birth and Death: Understanding the profound connection between birth and death can bring peace. Both are natural, transformative processes that shape our existence. Embracing this cycle helps us honor both beginnings and endings, recognizing them as intertwined aspects of life. This perspective allows us to navigate grief with greater acceptance and insight, seeing it as part of a larger, meaningful process.
The Alchemy of Grief: Grief is not about erasing pain but transforming it into something meaningful. It serves as a catalyst for growth, guiding us toward a deeper understanding of ourselves and our lives. Through my experiences with Mark and Jason, I’ve found that grief can lead to profound personal insights and connections. It’s an ongoing journey of turning suffering into wisdom, allowing us to build a legacy of compassion and resilience.
Embracing the Alchemy of Grief: Grief is not something to be conquered but a profound, ongoing experience that shapes us in unexpected ways. By understanding grief, recognizing its impact, and learning how to integrate it, we transform our relationship with it. This transformation isn’t about removing pain, but using it as a catalyst for growth and deeper connection. Grief is cyclical, not linear, and will return in waves. Each wave offers opportunities for understanding and growth, guiding us toward a deeper, more compassionate experience of life.
About the Author
Angharad Picton is an Intuitive Astrologist, Grief Alchemist, Sky Scholar Graduate, and former Sky Scholar TA. She is a certified Qoya teacher and instructor, with a background in Energy Healing, Qoya Inspired Movement, Spiritual Counseling, and Intuitive Astrology. Her work is deeply rooted in the wisdom of the body and the cosmos, offering soul-aligned guidance for those navigating life’s initiations—especially the transformational journey of grief.
Angharad’s passion lies in supporting individuals through moments of profound transition. Blending astrology with embodiment, she creates pathways to healing, clarity, and empowerment. Her Sky Scholar III research, informed by personal loss, explores how astrology can serve as a sacred map through grief—offering insight, structure, and a reconnection to something greater when life is fractured by loss.
Her own grief journey—including the deaths of her ex-husband, the father of her daughter Adara, and her beloved partner Jason—has catalyzed a powerful body of work. The Gift of Grief is the legacy now unfolding through her: a personal and collective offering that includes a forthcoming book of grief stories, transformative healing workshops, and a podcast. This evolving project honors grief as a sacred teacher and a gateway to rebirth.
Angharad also leads international spiritual journeys that weave ritual, movement, and cosmic wisdom, guiding participants in remembering their ancient knowing and reclaiming their wholeness.
Outside of her soul work, Angharad cherishes her role as a mother to her radiant daughter, Adara. She draws ongoing inspiration from nature, music, the stars, and travel—all of which nourish her spirit and creative expression. She also brings over 15 years of experience in Montessori education and currently serves as the Assistant Head of School at a Montessori Preschool in Minneapolis, MN.
Angharad is devoted to helping others remember who they are—guiding them with compassion, insight, and reverence through the sacred spiral of healing, transformation, and soul reclamation.
GET A READING WITH ANGHARAD
In my astrology practice, I’m guided by my personal journey through grief to support those who have experienced loss. I use astrology as a tool to help navigate and transform grief, offering insights that honor, alchemize, and integrate your experience. By aligning with the soul’s plan, astrology provides a unique perspective that can support you in finding meaning and healing. I invite you to connect with me to explore how this approach can aid you on your own path through grief.
AWAKEN YOUR ANCIENT FUTURE
Join Angharad Picton for an 11-day sacred pilgrimage through the holy landscapes of Peru—where Earth and Sky meet, and human potential stirs awake. This spiritual tour is a remembrance of your soul’s legacy, encoded in your astrology chart: your divine curriculum for this lifetime, uniquely woven through past, present, and future, all converging in this now moment.
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